Hannah Hart On Listening


Hi, I'm Hannah Hart, and I'm here to talk if you're willing to listen. So I lived my whole life without knowing that depression was real thing. I thought depression was like kinda the same thing as being sad or bored or whatever. As I got older, and my life got bigger and broader, I still kind of carried what felt like a lead jacket with me, wherever I went, like there was this inherent sense of sadness that no amount of talk therapy was seeming to sort through. Eventually I started going to a different therapist, and she was just like, "Well it just sounds like, you know, you have depression." And I was like, oh, so, now what? I personally did a lot of research, I started reading about it, and I found a lot of like-minded people that were like, "Oh my God, you experience this same thing, there's not just something wrong with me?" And as I started to realize what was going on with me, I was able to express it better to the people around me. One of the most important things to remember if you're reaching out to someone you love who's keeping something inside is patience, and don't get frustrated, and if the conversation doesn't go well, don't feel like, "Oh man, I did this." Set your intention before you even pick up the phone, and for me it's, "No matter how this goes, it's not about me, I'm trying because I feel compelled to try, and I'm gonna do my best, and I'm gonna listen." A good rule of thumb, listen twice as much as you speak. If somebody wants advice, they're gonna go, "I don't know, what do you think I should do?" And that's when you tell them. I feel like we have a tendency to wanna fix problems, and solve, and give people advice, "If you just did this, this, and this, you'd feel better, kay, great, resolved, check-check." And I do this too, but that's only because we don't want to see the person we love suffering, but unfortunately, sometimes we have to let them suffer in that moment, so they can let their suffering out. If somebody's starting to cry, and it makes you feel really awkward and really uncomfortable, just sit with it man, 'cause odds are, they need to cry. Your friends wanna help you, your friends wanna be there for you. They just don't know how, for instance, my partner's like, "Why can't I make you happy?" And I'm like, "This is my happy." So it's okay to take some time and research what might be the right thing for you. When I'm really stressed out, or I'm really feelin' not my best, I just need someone to be like, "Yeah?" And then I can be like, "Yeah!" Word vomit, word vomit, word vomit, word vomit, and then I'll feel better, it's not about telling every single person in your life. "Hey guys, I'm depressed today." It's about finding the support in your life, so you know who to tell, that way they can be there for you, and you're not just alone in the feeling anymore.